woow! i was readin all my blogs in the past 3 yrs till today.. andd its crazyy how ive changed from then. well my typing skills got better! my spelling aint ghetto anymore! haha! andd my language is a lil proper now! o mann its crazy how taht one blog says 'i need to get to used of sayin im 17'! andd now.. I need to get to used of saying m 20! hahah. o fudge! crazyy! well i guess its always so good to change for the best.

20th month!! yeee! dengg its bin s0o fast. after a year & 8 months lots of thangz happend alredy. hmm its crazy! all i wish is for both of us to be happy. i mean i kno sometimes cant really help to be disappointed over somethin but still. that shouldnt change on how we look and love each other. chris means soo much to me. i juss cant deal wit pain right now. & i really dun want to. i already hav enough stress from school! i dun want mee&him added to that. && for him too. babe-- i know how busy u r especially this sem & i juss dun want to hav any problems between us regardless of any events that may happen. i want to be the person that keeps you focus and sane despite of everythin that you go through. & yess im talkin bout ur work, ur school, ur club! look at that u have T0NS of things that u should be concern more about. dont worry about mee cuz im always going to be right next to u. i support you 110%. im not going anywhere! okayyy?! i love you.

anywayss. its bertos bday today! soo happy birthday beezy! hope u get drunk tonight! =] haha jk.

happy 15th month babe!! thank you for putting up wit mee.. i love you a lot!

FERUARY 1st 2oo7

1 year. 1 year. 1 year! i feel like a little kid that just got her favorite chocolate for a very time in a long time.. u kno? haha. g0sh im inlove. many many m0re anniversaries to come babe. i love you.

u made me cry d 1st time i read dis msg fr0m u. im s0o glad u appreciate it babe. its nice to kno dat u do think bout others as well beside urself. i kno its prity harsh buh im tellin d truth bcuz i love u. for all those times dat u talk to me at night on d phone.. whining about my dad. askin me 'wen r u gonna talk to him?' hurts sooo much c0min from u. i dun nid u 2b lyk dat babe. i alredy get pressure by my dad b0ut school & everythin else. & ur adding urself in as well. instead of u telling me things r guna b fine one dai juss lyk i always do to u.. u do d opposite to mee. it sad. it doesnt help me in any way. im sorry babe. i kno it pr0lly is my fault bcuz i chose 2b in this relationship in d 1st place. i shud've nver brought u in all my effin dramaz. i didnt think all dis will happen dis way babe. i th0t u cud b d one thas guna make me feel dat life is not dat bad. dat everythin else is easy enuf for me to do bcuz ur wid meee. i th0t 'mayb i do nid some2 to hold me down & to remind me dat things will get better. ive done my part babe. & im not askin u 2do nethin for me. bcuz uve done ALOT alredy. i wudnt let u read this now bcuz it'll seem lyk i want u to change. yea i do but not bcuz u found out dat i want u to. i want u to change on ur own. i want u 2 change on how u look at mee on d inside. u dun even kn0 everythin bout mee. u dunn0 wat ive bin, going, & will go through in my life!

do u even kno how hard it is to hear someone u love talk to u & feel like deyr blaming u on hwo things r while dey tell u ' i nver want to hurt u' at d sme time? u pr0lly didnt notice. u had no idea buh u were hurting mee. for d past relationships dat i had. i learned dat u kant juss waste all ur time crying over one thing. bcuz ur guna miss out on other ghud things. its not guna do anything if u think about it. it only guna hurt u m0re. i th0t to myself: if ppol out der cant rily do nethin to SHoW not say how much dey do care about mee. den ill do it for dem. i kno God is always guna b der for mee to help me stand up agen once i fall anyway. dats wer i get my confidence and courage dat i can do anything through GOD. thas how important God is in my life. did u kno dat?! of course not. nobody knew. nobody had to know. & i didnt care much. that is wat ive bin tryin to do all these year of my life. & im hapii. sometimes i even do forget to thank God for everythin. but tellin ppol close to me how impt He is makes me feel pr0ud dat im able to say it unlike other ppol u kno.

i fil a little better now dun worii. ill get over all these hurt soon. im juss hapii 2 kno wat u sed to me. i love you chris sooo much. & i do want n0thing but d best to c0me in ur life from now on. u kno i always pray fro u. God knows how much i care & how much i wud do juss to kno dat ur safe. iloveyou. hirs wat u sed bout so i hav a copy.. =]

"i just wanted to say how much i appreciate you...every day, every minute, every second with you is a blessing...every time i look into your eyes, i thank god for sending me someone who cares so much about me...u have made me such a better person...i am more responsable because of you...i am more caring because of you...i am stronger because of you...i feel like my life is better because of you babe...every night...i close my eyes and fall asleep hoping that i have a dream about you...every time i wake up, i wonder if im going to see you today, if you're awake so i can hear your sweet voice and say i love you...i know things are hard...but i want to help you get through it...i want to fight the fight with you...i want to be there by your side when things get rough...i want to overcome this obstacle with you...i want to be there for you...i just want to say im sorry...for all the nights that i did not fully appreciate how much you give me...for all the times that i wasnt grateful that you were mine and i was yours...for all the moments where i felt like giving up...for all the times i wanted you to choose me over your dad...for all the nights i cried myself to sleep thinking about all the bad things about our relationship and not all the good things...i dont want you to feel any pressure...i really want things to be okay between me and your family...i want you to be able to be with me when i need you...i want to be able to come see you and hold you because i miss you...i want to be able to be with you and not have to wait days and days to look deep into my eyes and say i love you...but i realize that there are times that you cant be there for me...times where you wont be there to support me...times where you cant be by my side to help me or hold me and say its going to be ok...there are gonna be times when i need you and you wont be able to be there...it hurts me but it hurts me more to hear or see you cry...i dont want you to feel like you have to make me happy by solving things...i will deal with the pain so you dont have to...i just want you to kno that im trying hard to stay strong for you...and when you need a hand to hold, ill be there...when you need a shoulder to lean on, ill be there...and when you need me to be there by your side, ill be there...im never going to leave you side babe...i never want to be without you...we've been through ups and downs and i wouldnt have it any other way...ive grown with you...and i want to continue to grow with you...i love you so much babe...and i will alwayz love you...forever and ever... "